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Hillary Clinton is bringing the heat.

She is reportedly preparing for the upcoming Texas primary by eating chile peppers. According to eyewitnesses accounts, the New York Senator is trying to be down by not drinking any water or milk when she bites into a pepper, even though witnesses claim to have seen her eyes watering and her nose dripping runny mocos. In a recent 60 Minutes interview, Mrs. Hot Heat Hillary came off to Katie Couric about how peppers keep her "revved up."

In a conversation with Gerardo Rivera at a campaign trail Hooters, X-President Bill Clinton took a break from puffing on a Montecristo Cigar, grabbed his crotch ala LL Cool J, and boasted that whenever he and Senator Clinton are together, he makes sure his would-be executive ruca "keeps a fat chile in her mouth all day."

Sunday night, Restaurants along the Mexican side of the US-Mexico border reported a dramatic sale-increase of jalapeño poppers-- a popular appetizer of fried, breaded and stuffed chile pepper native to Mexico. "It was all we served for about 6 hours," said Miraluz Herrera, a waitress at Mis Nalgas, a crowded cantina in Nogales, Sonora.

US Border Patrol officers confirm reports that soon after Senator Clinton's Sunday Night CBS pepper announcement, an estimated 27,000 illegal immigrants rushed approximately 1,900 miles of border checkpoints and fences along the southwestern states of California, Arizona, New Mexico, and Texas. "It was as if someone had dropped fire into those people," said Jake Lopez, who has a been Border Patrol Officer near the Tecate checkpoint of California for the last 25 years. "I was sitting in my truck eating some Atomic Cheetos around sunset and all of a sudden I could see people jumpin' and poppin' over the new fences like little Spanish supermen or something. It was unbelievable."

While super powers were not verifiable attributes of hot peppers at press time, many anglo doctors blushed while admitting to breaking a sweat while biting into sweet yellow bell peppers. The same doctors also agreed that hot peppers benefit metabolism, and provide pain relief as well as resitance to the common cold.

Retired cartoon actor Speedy Gonzales was unavailable despite multiple efforts to confirm rumors of Mr. Gonzalez's unabashed on-set Habanero habit to help him through excruciating shooting schedules during his career's zenith. However, Mr. Gonzalez's cousin, Slowpoke Rodriquez, responded to an email from SiTV, providing this statement:

"Peppers? What do you mean peppers? Obama don't need no stinking peppers."