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Love Vice with Jeiry: Back To The Ex

Dear Jeiry,
 
For the last few months I've been involved with someone who for a lack of better words was who I believed to be my Prince Charming.  Now, I usually don't fall fast, but after being wined and dined on romantic and thoughtful dates, I fell.  And with our deep conversations and sweet text messages that were exchanged I really was beginning to feel as if he could possibly be "the one" you read and hear about.  However, despite my nose being so wide open, I had a nagging suspicion that something wasn't right. (On more than one occasion, he would reschedule our dates.  Quite a few times, I asked him if he was involved with anyone else, and he denied seeing anyone.  For the most part we texted or spoke to each other on the days we didn't spend time, but there were times when I wouldn't hear from him for days on end.)  So from the beginning I did the unthinkable and snooped until I found some sort of dirt.  Now I came across his ex girlfriends MySpace (the same woman who broke his heart last summer).  For the first two months of me checking her page to see if I could find out any dirt on him, I didn't find anything.  And then, one day out of nowhere, she added a recent picture of them.  I immediately asked him if he still wasn't seeing anyone and he denied seeing anyone.  I believed him, even though my gut instinct was telling me something was amiss had me on this woman's page as much as possible.  She then began to upload old pictures of them with captions that implied that they were still together.  I found this odd being that they weren't friends on MySpace (I found her page by going through his old comments). This week, I was supposed to travel from New York to Philly to see him, but a few days ago he flaked out on me again.  I haven't spoken to him much in the last two weeks and this was completely out of the norm for us.  Then the other day, I reactivated my Facebook only to see that he had "officially" gotten back with his ex. I've called and called, and he doesn't answer.  He stopped returning my texts and messages, it seems as if he has completely washed his hands of me, and I've done nothing wrong. The part that confuses me and hurts the most is why couldn't this seemingly honest, down-to-earth Casanova who claimed to be so real, given me the respect to tell me?    Jeiry, I ask you---what gives and how should I handle any possible future run-ins with him?
 
Sincerely,
Played and Confused
 

Dear Played and Confused, 

This is a classic case of Man Heart Broken By His Ex.  You see, men can't deal with heartache like women can.  When a man crushes our heart, we weep like newborns, drink like lushes, and talk about our heartache like therapy patients.  BUT we also find strength in our friends, family, and replays of "I Will Survive". Sooner or later, we bounce back and, though reluctant at first, open our hearts again.  We can even begin a new relationship and stick around when our ex comes a-calling.  This is NOT how men work.  When a woman crushes a man's heart, he is DEVASTATED beyond belief. One of my ex-boyfriends even began taking anxiety pills because he could not take the breaking of his heart! He also told me he was "confused" and "needed space" when his ex came a-calling three months into our relationship.  This is exactly what I think happened with you and your "Prince Charming".  His ex broke his heart (I'm assuming not too long before he began dating you) and he was probably furious at her, hence her not being his friend on MySpace. He dated you because he was single, and probably did care for you, but secretly hoped she would come back to him. I'm sure she called him up and they began to work things out while you were dating, which is why your gut kept telling you something was off.  And then he decided to return to her without any consideration or respect for you or your feelings.  That's another syndrome of Man Heart Broken By His Ex.  They are usually too terrified to confront the next girl they were with after their ex. They usually ignore your phone calls and refuse to answer questions to give you the CLOSURE that you so desperately crave. They think its unnecessary to discuss how you feel because they've moved on, or rather back, to their ex, and their hearts and minds were always with them to begin with. They are also guilty of trying to juggle both women as long as they can. So be grateful that he isn't returning your calls.  The universe ridded you of him at just the right time.   

Now here is how to handle the run-ins.  Don't!  Until you have healed yourself by listening to "I Will Survive", "I Hate You So Much Right Now", and "I Changed My Mind" on repeat on your iPod, you need to stay away from any places he frequents.  I know it's difficult. I know you are itching to see him so you can give him a piece of your mind.  But if you aren't emotionally ready to confront him, you will crumble (especially if he's there with his ex), and he will know he still has an immense affect on you. When you are READY, then you can make sure you run into him, almost like you're coordinating the encounter. This will put YOU in CONTROL.  You found out plenty of info on his MySpace so I know you can do it! Once you know where he will be, GO! Look amazing without seeming like you're trying. Walk in confidently with your girlfriends.  Act nonchalantly when you see him (I gave one of my exes a kiss on the cheek and then walked right along towards the bar without a flinch). Make sure you don't drink too much.  Alcohol can sometimes bring on the waterworks, or in worse scenarios the violent shrieks and loose hand attacks. And I don't want to hear that you were kicked out of a bar!  So heal your heart and then give all this a try. And remember, his fucked up ways have nothing to do with who you are. Prince Charming was simply Man Heart Broken By His Ex in disguise.

Love strongly and wisely,

Jeiry 
 
*Drop some of your burning love questions to Jeiry at1stladyofluv@gmail.com and she will drop her wisdom every other Friday on "Love Vice with Jeiry". Check it out every other Friday on http://trends.sitv.com/blogs/sujeiry !

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